Three in Tennessee

Today is my mom and dad's 48th wedding anniversary. It's my mom's second anniversary without my dad physically here. It's been many more anniversaries since they really got to celebrate together.

This week has been a tough week of reflecting on my dad and my memories of him. I knew my parent's anniversary was approaching and this week dear friends said goodbye to their dad, who also had early onset Alzheimer's. I don't want to assume anything on how my friends are feeling, but for me, saying goodbye to my dad was different than saying goodbye to others that have passed away. I'm sure part of that is because he was my dad. But the other part is because I had to say goodbye to the man I knew way before he left this earth. His body was here, but the man who loved (and knew) his family wasn't really present. It's sad and complicated.

Up until the very end of his life my mom was faithful to care for him. She regularly visited the nursing home. She would specify what he was supposed to eat. She always got annoyed when they gave him mashed potatoes and gravy even though she specifically told them he didn't like it. I would gently remind her that it's an easy food for him to get down and such, but that didn't deter her. Putting myself in her situation I would probably do the same thing.

I'm really proud of my mom for being my dad's caregiver as long as it was an option. They had four decades together before he became ill. A lot happened in those four decades...they had 3 children, several dogs, the Vietnam war, saw man go to the moon, moved from Alabama to Iowa, maintained a mild annoyance at the type of TV shows the other liked watching...but most of all and best of all they loved each other and were committed to one another. I'm very grateful for their example!

Happy anniversary!

Lately, when little T sees a boat she very enthusiastically recounts our adventure in Charleston, SC when we took a ferry to Fort Sumter. The number one highlight for her was not the actual ride or walking around the historical site. It was when she got to throw away garbage. I'm for real.


On the trip back from the fort she was needing some distraction so I gave her my cup to throw away. Then she came back for something else. After emptying out anything I could find in my purse, she went to the people around us and got their junk, too. It was so funny and pretty cute. However, I really had not thought about it at all until a couple of days ago. She saw a boat on TV and started talking about the "time she rode in a big, huge boat"...it took me a minute to even remember what she was talking about.

Then it came up again tonight while she was in the bathtub. With much enthusiasm and her eyes as big and wide as the dark saucers they are, she said, "next time we ride on a big boat, I will ask everyone if they have garbage I can throw away. Then, I will throw it away."

That little scenario is a great reminder to me that Tatum has a servant's heart. She loves, loves, loves helping. I've always said her love language is "acts of service." That is my love language, too, but I know I don't always serve with enthusiasm like Tatum does...running up and down aisles of chairs on a ferry boat collecting papers and cups and the like. Smiling and laughing and enjoying her big boat ride.

Tonight I'm praying that Matt and I will be able to easily recognize her gifts and equip her to run with them. I'm praying that Tatum's enthusiasm never wanes and that her heart to serve others grows and grows!

What gifts/abilities do you see in your own children?

I need to preface this post with a little info:

1. Below is an email correspondence between us and singer/songwriter Mark Schultz.
2. This email was sent in June 2008.
3. I'm freakish about remembering dates and such...it's just how I roll. The particular event that is the subject of the email happened 4 years ago today.

Mr. Schultz and/or your people - :)

This is going to seem kind of random and I have no idea if you'll actually read this e-mail, but I really hope you do. We should have written this months ago, but time has gotten away from us.

My husband, Matt, and I really want to thank you for sharing your testimony regarding your adoption. We are adoptive parents of a precious little girl who was born last August. We met her birthmother, Rebecca, through friends at church and shortly after meeting her we introduced her to your music. We wanted her to hear "Everything to Me" so we could try (somehow) to express our gratefulness to her for her sacrifice. We thought it may give a glimpse into her child's life and future. Rebecca and her family all fell in love with your music as it ministered to them at just the right time.

We told them that you would be in concert in Knoxville, TN after a Tennessee Smokies Baseball Game on Sunday, August 5. Coincidentally, that was her expected due date. Her entire family was bummed at the thought of missing you, but as the time approached it looked like Rebecca would deliver sooner so they bought tickets just in case. She did deliver her daughter on Thursday, August 2, 2007. It was a wonderful day and Rebecca was so incredibly brave. Words absolutely cannot describe how Matt and I felt. We felt overwhelming joy and overwhelming sorrow all at the same time. Joy because our dreams of having a daughter had finally come true and sorrow because of the great loss that Rebecca would be experiencing. On Saturday, August 4, Tatum Elana Nicole came home with us. Tatum means "bringer of joy" and that fits her perfectly.

We were so hoping that Rebecca would be able to go to your concert, but we just really didn't know if they would make it. A day or so after the concert we received this e-mail from Rebecca's mom:

"...sitting about 3 1/2 hours for the Smokies ballgame (we lost 8-11), and another hour or so for the concert.  At one time I saw tears because she was hurting, but she wanted to stay.The concert was great!!!!  

When Mark went out to his stage at second base, he passed within 10 feet. At the end, it took Rebecca a long time to try to get up, Mark headed back our way.  He was still down below us when I was able to speak to him.  I gave him a brief overview of what Rebecca had just done the day before and how you two had introduced us to his music.  

Now with a gathering crowd, he climbed the wall near Rebecca to talk to her and give her a hug!!!!  He kept his focus on Rebecca and our small group while the crowd continued to grow.  That was an answered prayer.  I just wanted him to encourage her.  He said that he had 2 wonderful parents and a birthmother that loved him. Mark said that the timing was not right for his birthmother, but it was the right time for his parents.  

I was so blown away at how tender he was with Rebecca.  WOW God is soooooo good."

Anyway, I just wanted you to know how awesome it was for you to be so thoughtful. This made a huge impact on all of us and we are so grateful for your kindness. We continue to have an open relationship with Rebecca and just recently attended her high school graduation. Your part of our story is very special and we thought you should know that.

Thank you again,
Teri, Matt & Tatum Farrand

Here's the response I received:

We appreciate you taking the time to update us on this adoption. 

We had received an email shortly before the concert last summer.  I believe it was from the birthmothers, mother.  We had encouraged them to stay after the concert and meet with Mark, and from your update, that did happen.  That is awesome news!

It has been a blessing and encouragment to hear from the adoptive parents and to hear of your "testimony" in this adoption.  Thank you for sharing this information with us, and we pray you are all doing well!

God Bless,
Mark and MS Team

Just wanted to share...:)

Celebrating the dad's in my life! Some of my favorite things in no particular order:


about Matt:

1. that he is so, so good at loving me and Tatum 
2. that he unashamedly loves on our dogs...and helps me make up songs about them
3. that he loves God deeply and worships Him with his entire being
4. that he's ridiculously smart and can learn how to do anything set before him
5. that after 17 years together we still share our love of Conan O'Brien, some really stupid inside jokes from the mid to late 90's (wouldn't you love to be a part of those jokes one day?) and he's totally accepting of me when I watch the same Monk, Perry Mason and Columbo shows over and over again....although he did draw the line at Murder, She Wrote 
6. that we could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about (reference the inside joke info above)

about my Dad:

1. that he loved me and my family
2. that he unashamedly loved on our dogs
3. that he taught me how to take care of our cars
4. that he took me shoe shopping when I was little
5. that he played office with me...he was Clint Eastwood and I was his secretary
6. that I have wonderful memories of him because he was a man of integrity and honor

about Matt's Dad:

1. that he loves his family
2. that he loves dogs and he cared so much for Bobbie Sue and Bob
3. that he taught Matt to always be thorough and to do things right the first time
4. that he taught his family, by example, to love God
5. that he really can't tell a joke without getting Linda's help...I can't tell jokes either so I understand
6. that he squeezes my guts out when he hugs me

Here is some info on our latest Adoptive Families Group!

Are you on Facebook? Check out Adoptive Families - Maryville, TN for more ways to get connected.

We meet the second Tuesday of each month at 6:30pm at Maryville Vineyard Church at 713 William Blount Drive in Maryville.

Contact me if you have any questions or if you want more info!

Apparently, I'm really into listening to music lately since my last couple of posts were born out of song titles and lyrics.

Pre-Tatum I listened to music all the time. Really. All. The. Time. Since about August 2007, music listening time has dwindled to an all-time low. Unless you count old school Psalty and The Wiggles.

As we are going through the very beginning stages of another adoption it reminds me of how much I counted on music, songs, lyrics and artists to pull me through each day while we dealt with infertility and the adoption process. I literally had a playlist that was all the songs I needed to hear in order to keep believing that we would really have a baby one day. Strangely enough, Don't Stop Believin' was not on there. That's weird.

Anyway...along the lines of the "I must believe we will have a baby one day" playlist was another playlist full of songs that reminded me that I had to be okay if that never happened. Not fakey, happy, songs, but more like "I can't let my marriage or my life fall apart even though we've been at this five years and are still childless". Those playlist titles were entirely too long for iTunes so I think one was "Teri" and the other was "Teri 2". Easy to remember.

I still have those playslists saved. There have been many times since Tatum was born that I had to pull out the "Can't let my life fall apart" playlist (or Teri 2)...not because our marriage has been troubled - it has not. Nor has my life totally fallen apart. But I've had to deal with the possibility that Tatum could be our only child. That's hard. She's absolutely amazing, of course, but I've always wanted more children and Tatum is serious big sister material. I don't want to tell her that she might not get to be a big sister one day and have a little sibling to take care of/boss around. It's a terrible thought and I don't want to have that conversation with my sweet, curly-haired little girl.

There were several songs by Rich Mullins in all of the aforementioned playlists, but the one that is finding itself on repeat lately is If I Stand. Here is the chorus:

So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home

Adoption isn't always easy and I clearly have a lot of fear to overcome. But I'm stepping out in faith and trusting that God will carry us through this journey again. Matt and I had a lot of disappointment and heartache leading up to Tatum's adoption. We had to stick together and if we believed in God like we said we did, then we had to stand on God's promise that He was with us and He cared. And if we couldn't stand anymore, then we had to rely on God's grace. He was going to pick us up if we fell (okay, when we fell). He was going to listen to me scream at him. He was going to be there when I had no words left. He was going to do that because He is loving and gracious. He can handle our junk, people. He just can.

So as we move forward with our homestudy and I prepare my heart to be "put out there" again, I am trusting that God will walk through this with us. No matter how difficult, easy, scary, painful, joyous...He will be there - full of His unrelenting grace!

I'm working on a dream
Though it can feel so far away
I'm working on a dream
And our love will make it real someday

At least two times in the last year I have updated my Facebook status to read: working on a dream.

It's the title of a song by Bruce Springsteen. The song gets stuck in my head, which is totally fine because it's Bruce, after all. And it pretty much sums up what I feel like when we are trudging through all 52 pages of our adoption homestudy packet. I'm sure some people print off their homestudy packet and just fly through it. That's kind of how it was with Tatum. This time around, though, we've stopped and started a couple of times. No wild reasons why, just because. Life, work, busyness, etc...ultimately I'm sure it's because of God's timing and one day we will see exactly why we were almost all done with the packet in June 2010, but didn't pick it back up until a year later. I know we'll understand one day.

So summing up...working on homestudy packet, working on being patient for things to work out, working on getting ready for another little Farrand to join our family...working on a dream.